Today I weighed in and lost 2.8 lbs. That is a great loss for one week.
I thought I deserved more.
I tracked my WW points every single day, didn't eat big dinners if I didn't have the points, and didn't use more than my allotted flex points.
I thought I deserved more.
Since I did have a good loss and since I was on my own for the weekend I decided to treat myself to breakfast at McDonald's. I love breakfast at McDonalds.
I thought I deserved it.
At the baby shower I didn't eat too bad, I had carrots and strawberries and a little piece of angel food cake. And 3 brownies and 3 glasses of punch...after all, I had driven so far and had my son to take care of by myself and I hadn't been to a party in ages.
I thought I deserved it.
On the way home I was super tired and hungry for a "meal." After all, I wouldn't have a whole lot of time to eat at home and I didn't feel like fixing something for my son and me so I stopped by Wendy's for some caffine and a value meal.
I thought I deserved it.
I indulged, and indulged again, and over indulged. I had more than what I've listed here...I can give you every excuse in the book. I'm really good at this game after a life time of "treating" myself to food.
I probably gained my 2.8 back tonight. I probably used all my flex points (I'll count here in a bit).....
But, I deserve it.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Surgical Prayer
Today at church we talked about community. It was a part of a series of sermons my pastor was doing. Today's talk was on a community needing a common purpose to bond them together. It was a good sermon.
One thing he talked about was how uncomfortable real community can be. Real meaning you share true feelings. You share your hopes, your dreams, your struggles....and, you give each other permisison to correct you in a loving way.
That is scary.
He said we tend to be broad with our problems when we speak to each other. We say, please pray for some decisions we have to make this week....or, we are struggling in our marriage right now, please pray for us. But, we should really be specific, maybe because it will help us realize when prayers are really answered, maybe because we should just really share what is on our hearts, no matter how uncomfortable.
His example:
If you had cancer and was going into surgery, would you want the doctor to say something like,
We don't really know where the cancer is
So we will just operate in this general area
Take out some stuff
And then we will probably get it?
I'm guessing your answer is no. But yet we treat prayer this way. Sure, God knows what is going on in our lives...but why are we so scared to share the messy details with each other?
Give surgical detail to your prayers and hopes and dreams my friends...let the true community build like we all really want in our lives.
One thing he talked about was how uncomfortable real community can be. Real meaning you share true feelings. You share your hopes, your dreams, your struggles....and, you give each other permisison to correct you in a loving way.
That is scary.
He said we tend to be broad with our problems when we speak to each other. We say, please pray for some decisions we have to make this week....or, we are struggling in our marriage right now, please pray for us. But, we should really be specific, maybe because it will help us realize when prayers are really answered, maybe because we should just really share what is on our hearts, no matter how uncomfortable.
His example:
If you had cancer and was going into surgery, would you want the doctor to say something like,
We don't really know where the cancer is
So we will just operate in this general area
Take out some stuff
And then we will probably get it?
I'm guessing your answer is no. But yet we treat prayer this way. Sure, God knows what is going on in our lives...but why are we so scared to share the messy details with each other?
Give surgical detail to your prayers and hopes and dreams my friends...let the true community build like we all really want in our lives.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
You can't replace chips with carrots
You can't replace chips with carrots and think that you have solved all your problems. You are still substituting food for an emotion. Sure, it's a better choice, but when one of those wicked emotional times come up you will laugh at the idea of eating carrots for comfort, and rip open the bag of lays.
You will never be able to completely remove yourself from hard food situations. Everyone will continue to celebrate with food. Krispee Cream will continue to offer free donuts for straight A's, Sue will continue to order birthday cakes for the office, and you will continue to feel.
We talked today at Weight Watchers about emotional eating. I have a friend that joins me at the meetings. I had missed last weeks topic and therefore, the announcement of this weeks topic. Allison said, this is a good one for you to go to. She knows me well.
I had tears in my eyes almost the whole time we discussed the emotional eating. Part of it was because I was realizing more and more about myself and the journey I must take. Part of it was the relief of not being alone. Here was a room full of people struggling with their weight like me, and all of them ate to fill an emotion instead of feeling it.
Feel, don't feed, your emotions.
That is the lesson I must embrace. Reframing is what Weight Watchers calls it. Picture yourself during an emotional time (it can be any emotion) and the frame around it is how we handle that emotion. Replace the current way of acting (current frame) with the way you want to act in your mind (reframing). Practice reframing when you are not in the depth of that emotion, because if you try to reframe when you are in the middle of some battle it will seem impossible.
By the way, I gained .4 lbs this week...sickening really! I deserved to gain but hoped beyond all hopes that I would loose anyway. I think I will learn eventually that a plan works if you stick to the plan.
You will never be able to completely remove yourself from hard food situations. Everyone will continue to celebrate with food. Krispee Cream will continue to offer free donuts for straight A's, Sue will continue to order birthday cakes for the office, and you will continue to feel.
We talked today at Weight Watchers about emotional eating. I have a friend that joins me at the meetings. I had missed last weeks topic and therefore, the announcement of this weeks topic. Allison said, this is a good one for you to go to. She knows me well.
I had tears in my eyes almost the whole time we discussed the emotional eating. Part of it was because I was realizing more and more about myself and the journey I must take. Part of it was the relief of not being alone. Here was a room full of people struggling with their weight like me, and all of them ate to fill an emotion instead of feeling it.
Feel, don't feed, your emotions.
That is the lesson I must embrace. Reframing is what Weight Watchers calls it. Picture yourself during an emotional time (it can be any emotion) and the frame around it is how we handle that emotion. Replace the current way of acting (current frame) with the way you want to act in your mind (reframing). Practice reframing when you are not in the depth of that emotion, because if you try to reframe when you are in the middle of some battle it will seem impossible.
By the way, I gained .4 lbs this week...sickening really! I deserved to gain but hoped beyond all hopes that I would loose anyway. I think I will learn eventually that a plan works if you stick to the plan.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Who Will I Blame?
Last Night my husband and I had a great talk. Parts of it were difficult, parts of it were challenging, but all of it was good. I learned more about him and a lot about myself. I learned that I love him more than ever, that I have a deep deep desire to be a wonderful mother, that I do not want to be comfortable in my Christian walk, and, that I am a total addict when it comes to food!
We were talking about something that often causes a rift between my husband and I. He wanted me to tell him to give it up; I just couldn't tell him that. You see, I really feel that if I did that it would cause bitterness between us eventually. I think that if something changes it will have to be his decision. We talked about it and talked and I tried to come up with an equivelant issue for me. Something that I feel like I put above my family at times, something that I am addicted to. We thought it might be TV, but in my heart I knew that wasn't true. Then it hit me as I started to use one example...
It is food.
You see, I know that it is not only better for me to be healthy, but it would be better for our marriage and better for my son. I would have more energy, more self-esteem, a better example. I know all these things.
But I choose food.
I know I must make the decision to live a better life on my own. I want my husband to say, You need to loose weight. I want someone to blame for feeling bad. I don't want this to be my fault.
I must choose this for myself. I can only blame myself.
We were talking about something that often causes a rift between my husband and I. He wanted me to tell him to give it up; I just couldn't tell him that. You see, I really feel that if I did that it would cause bitterness between us eventually. I think that if something changes it will have to be his decision. We talked about it and talked and I tried to come up with an equivelant issue for me. Something that I feel like I put above my family at times, something that I am addicted to. We thought it might be TV, but in my heart I knew that wasn't true. Then it hit me as I started to use one example...
It is food.
You see, I know that it is not only better for me to be healthy, but it would be better for our marriage and better for my son. I would have more energy, more self-esteem, a better example. I know all these things.
But I choose food.
I know I must make the decision to live a better life on my own. I want my husband to say, You need to loose weight. I want someone to blame for feeling bad. I don't want this to be my fault.
I must choose this for myself. I can only blame myself.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
A Moment of Chocolate=A Lifetime of Fat
Ever set out on a new week determined to live life differently? Decide that you will be nicer, happier, more relaxed? Ever lay in bed and realize that your priorities are all messed up? That you want to start spending more time playing with your kids, show your spouse that you love them, pray more to God? Ever start the week full of hope for what is to come?
Ever decide that you are going to change your life?
I think that I decide these things and desire these changes every day. One such desire is to eat healthier, to loose weight. Sounds like such a small thing compared to the items listed above, but it really isn't a small thing. You see, I am addicted to food.
I am going to weight watchers. I think this is probably the fourth or fifth time that I've joined. I really am too embarassed to keep count at this point. I have been going for about 11 or 12 weeks straight and weigh more than when I started. Right now the food is winning the war.
But, I just can't give up this time. So I go back, week after week, and pay a lady to tell me that I've gained 1.2 lbs. She looks embarassed for me at times. I say, it's okay, I knew it was going to be a bad week (again, I think). I know though if I give up and stop going to meetings that I will completely fall off the wagon.
So, I go.
The thing is I must be able to keep my long-term hopes and desires at a higher priority than my need for instant gratification. I have to want those desires more than I want chocolate, or something salty, or just anything that I can sink my teeth into.
You see, every day I hope, but then I open the pantry and this rebellious nature in me says,
you should be able to eat that,
you aren't ridiculous, just hungry,
you have had a bad day, it's okay to comfort your self,
you had a good day, you should celebrate,
you are bored...you are stressed...you worked out...you need to relax.
I am a rebellious person. I want it all. I want the cute body and the chocolate. But I must choose. I cannot have my moments of rebellion anymore if I do not want my lifetime of fat.
What will you choose?
Ever decide that you are going to change your life?
I think that I decide these things and desire these changes every day. One such desire is to eat healthier, to loose weight. Sounds like such a small thing compared to the items listed above, but it really isn't a small thing. You see, I am addicted to food.
I am going to weight watchers. I think this is probably the fourth or fifth time that I've joined. I really am too embarassed to keep count at this point. I have been going for about 11 or 12 weeks straight and weigh more than when I started. Right now the food is winning the war.
But, I just can't give up this time. So I go back, week after week, and pay a lady to tell me that I've gained 1.2 lbs. She looks embarassed for me at times. I say, it's okay, I knew it was going to be a bad week (again, I think). I know though if I give up and stop going to meetings that I will completely fall off the wagon.
So, I go.
The thing is I must be able to keep my long-term hopes and desires at a higher priority than my need for instant gratification. I have to want those desires more than I want chocolate, or something salty, or just anything that I can sink my teeth into.
You see, every day I hope, but then I open the pantry and this rebellious nature in me says,
you should be able to eat that,
you aren't ridiculous, just hungry,
you have had a bad day, it's okay to comfort your self,
you had a good day, you should celebrate,
you are bored...you are stressed...you worked out...you need to relax.
I am a rebellious person. I want it all. I want the cute body and the chocolate. But I must choose. I cannot have my moments of rebellion anymore if I do not want my lifetime of fat.
What will you choose?
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