Ever set out on a new week determined to live life differently? Decide that you will be nicer, happier, more relaxed? Ever lay in bed and realize that your priorities are all messed up? That you want to start spending more time playing with your kids, show your spouse that you love them, pray more to God? Ever start the week full of hope for what is to come?
Ever decide that you are going to change your life?
I think that I decide these things and desire these changes every day. One such desire is to eat healthier, to loose weight. Sounds like such a small thing compared to the items listed above, but it really isn't a small thing. You see, I am addicted to food.
I am going to weight watchers. I think this is probably the fourth or fifth time that I've joined. I really am too embarassed to keep count at this point. I have been going for about 11 or 12 weeks straight and weigh more than when I started. Right now the food is winning the war.
But, I just can't give up this time. So I go back, week after week, and pay a lady to tell me that I've gained 1.2 lbs. She looks embarassed for me at times. I say, it's okay, I knew it was going to be a bad week (again, I think). I know though if I give up and stop going to meetings that I will completely fall off the wagon.
So, I go.
The thing is I must be able to keep my long-term hopes and desires at a higher priority than my need for instant gratification. I have to want those desires more than I want chocolate, or something salty, or just anything that I can sink my teeth into.
You see, every day I hope, but then I open the pantry and this rebellious nature in me says,
you should be able to eat that,
you aren't ridiculous, just hungry,
you have had a bad day, it's okay to comfort your self,
you had a good day, you should celebrate,
you are bored...you are stressed...you worked out...you need to relax.
I am a rebellious person. I want it all. I want the cute body and the chocolate. But I must choose. I cannot have my moments of rebellion anymore if I do not want my lifetime of fat.
What will you choose?