Last Night my husband and I had a great talk. Parts of it were difficult, parts of it were challenging, but all of it was good. I learned more about him and a lot about myself. I learned that I love him more than ever, that I have a deep deep desire to be a wonderful mother, that I do not want to be comfortable in my Christian walk, and, that I am a total addict when it comes to food!
We were talking about something that often causes a rift between my husband and I. He wanted me to tell him to give it up; I just couldn't tell him that. You see, I really feel that if I did that it would cause bitterness between us eventually. I think that if something changes it will have to be his decision. We talked about it and talked and I tried to come up with an equivelant issue for me. Something that I feel like I put above my family at times, something that I am addicted to. We thought it might be TV, but in my heart I knew that wasn't true. Then it hit me as I started to use one example...
It is food.
You see, I know that it is not only better for me to be healthy, but it would be better for our marriage and better for my son. I would have more energy, more self-esteem, a better example. I know all these things.
But I choose food.
I know I must make the decision to live a better life on my own. I want my husband to say, You need to loose weight. I want someone to blame for feeling bad. I don't want this to be my fault.
I must choose this for myself. I can only blame myself.