Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Embarassed to be in Indiana

I went to Indiana this weekend to visit with my husband's family. It was a fun weekend. We stayed at a beautiful park (www.springmillin.com), went swimming, had a reunion, and caught up with everyone. But, at times I found myself dreading the trip, and then, once we were there, dreading seeing everyone.

I realized on Saturday it was because of my weight. I am just so heavy now that I hate the way I look. I feel like everyone is judging me. When I walk away, I fear that they all whisper, "wow, Sara has put on a lot of weight since we saw her last." I fear that because that is exactly what I would think/say.

Oh the irony.

I told my wonderful husband that I was sometimes uncomfortable around his family. At first I said it was because I still didn't know all of them that well. But as I sat in our dark hotel room, flipping through the TV channels I faced my own reality. I am embarassed of me. I am uncomfortable because of me.

So, on the drive home I told him by this time next year I want to be thinner...a lot thinner (there were some other goals too but they are private).

Skinny Sara has fun in Indiana

my 2008 blog title:)


Krissie said...

My husband and I both only have brothers. And what have they all done? Gone and married skinny girls.
I know what it's like feeling larger than the family. And I don't know that it's something I'll ever get over, so it's something I have to change.
Now, should I lose my weight or just send them boxes and boxes of fudge? I'll have to think about that one.

Kate McDonald said...

man, do I know how you feel! i do the same thing when i have to go somewhere...i still have 20-25lbs to lose from the pregnancy...i always fear what people say when they see me...'oh, kate looks like she got BIG' (and i did!) i flew home to seattle this morning and sat by this sweet older woman who had just attended her 50th high school reunion..she told me she almost didn't go because of the weight she had gained in recent years...but she said she had a great time and ended the coversation by saying, ' i just figured...you know, this is the way i look..its not the way i want tolook, but i am still me.'

i thought to myself..i need to take that thought to heart

Sara Darrah said...

Thanks for the encouragement girls. This week has been going really well. I feel like I'm finally getting a grip on things. Give it time Kate, you need to loose slowly since you are breast feeding. Krissie- I think you should do both, lose weight and send boxes of fudge, then everyone will REALLY notice your weight loss!!!! :)

Kate McDonald said...

how are you? how is it going?